Father's Day & The Academy

So this event at the Academy and Father's Day got me thinking, reminiscing, and feeling pretty nostalgic.

I spoke with a lot of my family as this day is rather emotional for us, and I was compelled to speak my mind.

So I write this article encompassing my experience at the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, and their tribute to "Television's Greatest Dads," my personal tribute to my late father, and a tribute to all the greatest Dads out there. Just because you're not dramatized on television doesn't mean you're not someone's #1

Father's Day Tribute

As I stand amongst the Television moguls of our time everyone scrambling for the best seats I am overwhelmed with emotion. It is a surreal experience as the stars are outside posing for paparazzi.

Such an arbitrary day to celebrate something so complex and beautiful. Hallmark can sensationalize it 1000 times and most likely the toughest of us will still think about crying. It's not their wishy-washy campaign slogans, or B-Movie marathons, but it's the unspoken relationship that surrounds being a parent.

As a kid you quickly learned that this was the day/weekend Dad got "to do whatever he wanted." You also whined that he and Mom always got 2 birthdays, and why there wasn't a "Son's Day" or "Daughter's Day."

"Because you weren't pregnant for 50 months in your life that's why." my mother usually said.

My Dad just smiled when my Mom said this and when we asked what he did for those 50 months, he said.

"I carried your mother."

As a child, you don't realize the magnitude or meaning of that kind of response until you are older.

As the stars file in I am wondering what this event is going to be like. We just saw some great clips of all kinds of T.V. shows, and here are the real-life Dads:

Dick Van Dyke ("The Dick Van Dyke Show"), Stephen Collins ("7th Heaven"), Jon Cryer ("Two and a Half Men"), Patrick Duffy ("Dallas" & "Step by Step"), Michael Gross ("Family Ties"), Bill Paxton ("Big Love"), Dick Van Patten ("8 Is Enough"), Reggie Vel Johnson ("Family Matters"), and Bryan Cranston ("Malcolm in The Middle" & "Breaking Bad)

Ralph Waite ("The Waltons"), Terry Crews ("Everybody Hates Chris"), and Tom Bosley ("Happy Days") were not able to attend but their "family" came and paid tribute.

It was enthralling to watch a panel of tenured actors interact harmoniously together. The speaker led each actor through questions concerning their Fathers and the experiences they had on and off-set.

Questions ranged from "Do you remember when your Dad taught you about the birds & bees" to "What was one attribute you admired in your father." to "When was the first moment you remember that sparked your acting career."

Here are some responses that I anxiously scribbled unto a notepad while they answered.

Dick Van Dyke asked who taught him about the "Birds & Bees"

"The Sear's & Roebuck Monthly Ad"
The Speaker/Questionnaire: "They don't have anything like that in the Sears Ad"
D.V.D. "Back in that day they did!"
D.V.D. "No but in all honesty it was probably my wife that taught me most that I know, I was a late learner."

Bryan Cranston (sitting in between Dick Van Dyke & Dick Van Patten): "How ironic I am asked this question sitting between a couple of Dicks!"

The entire panel's performing flair and co-existence with the camera was a spectacle to watch. I realized that the Casting Directors did not necessary cast an Actor for the Father role, but rather cast the Character for their television series.

I think of the parallel to reality. How perfect a cast member is your own father for your family? You can't even see anyone else ever playing that role.

The dialogue continues on to more serious topics of what was something your father taught you?

Patrick Duffy, again entertained the audience by telling an anecdote.

"He taught me how to drink an incredible amount of alcohol."
*AUDIENCE LAUGHTER*
"In all seriousness. he taught me to never wear your best pair of shoes on a Friday night."
*AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AGAIN*

Bill Paxton was more empathetic and truly hit a chord with me.

"I measure everyone I meet to my Father."
Elaborating...
"He taught me the importance of humanity and human communication. He took the time to talk to everyone. Not just because he was a lifetime salesman, but because that's who he was."

As the years pass, regrettable I remember less and less about my father....and I hate it. But moments like these let me dig into the vault and vividly recall moments like this about my Dad.

I think about his life, and how he "under-achieved" in most people's eyes. One thing that stuck with me, is when he approached me in one of his "lectures."

This time it was about the good and evil of money, and my overly competitive nature. He told me that there was nothing wrong with either. He went over the common misconception "Money is the root of all evil," and explained the "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil." He told me that someday, he knew I would be rich and successful because that's who I was, but "never lose sight of who you are and where you come from."

He read me this Proverb, re-written and paraphrased in many different religions:

"A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold"

"Without, your name, without your word. You are nothing. That is why I've been so hard on you about bending the truth and not being honest. Do you understand?"

I remember that line more than any other: "Do you understand me?"

It always finished any "talk" with Dad. No matter how mad you were, how confused, how impatience, how much you wanted to be at the movies with the friends...."Do you understand?" was coming...

"Can I borrow the car?"
"Only if you wear your seat belt, no horsing around while driving, fill it up with gas, and promise to be home before 1:00 Am...Do you understand?"

All I heard was seat belt, horse, gas...."Do you understand?"

I don't think there was a more genuine person than my Father. My friends used to joke around that he was secretly plotting some genius plan.

He was that kind of person. Because he never said anything unless it was worth saying, and it made an impression with people.

If there was another thing I did remember about my father was that he was extremely wise and deliberate...almost too deliberate.

As Dick Van Dyke was asked what he remembered most about his father he alluded to the Great Depression.

"In 1929 I was 4 years old, the stock markets crashed....and I lost everything!!"
*AUDIENCE LAUGHTER*
"No but when people perpetually ask me where my charisma and theatrical talent comes from I always credit my parents."

"For 10 or more years they pretended that the world was swell and cheery, when it wasn't."
"They had the most positive outlook on life and my father was the anchor of that optimism."

That was the epitome of my father as well, infinitely patient and steadfast. Unfortunately the amount of stress and internal turmoil it takes to keep a happy face on for your family wears on you.

So everyone reading this if you have a father or are a father...sign up for regular physicals!!! Make sure you're at a healthy blood pressure, heart rate, and have covered all genetic disorders!!

The first words that I could muster after the news broke was to my friends who I was with.

"Call your father and tell them how you feel. Call them right now."

And don't let it be just Father's or Mother's Day when you let your parents know how much you care, or even your loved ones. Everyday

The one thing that I try to emulate in my father is his attitude on life.

A good friend of his came up to me after the funeral and said:

"You may not know this now, and it may not even seem like he did...but your father lived life in the moment. He lived each second for the next second, and spent a 1000 lifetimes in that moment. Each moment you spent with David, you were the most important person in his life right then, in that moment. That is a gift, that is something most people can't do."

So when my friend calls up and asks to celebrate on his promotion and I find myself stressed for this exam, or that grade, or this internship, or that scholarship. I just take a moment and breathe. Then smile. Because that's what Dad would have done. I smile and spend a couple more hours studying then go out with my friends.

Because that test is just one day, just one morning, only 2 hours of my life. A friendship lasts a lifetime. A good conversation can last a lifetime. That grade sticks for only 4 years until you have a job.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” (Mark Twain)

I can sit here and selfishly be angry about how my father was taken way before his time. or I can remember the impact he made on myself and others around him. It is hard not to be angry, but I try. Like my parents always say "Aim for excellence, not perfection."

Someone once said

"A true testament to a man's life is how many people attend his funeral."

My father would have been overwhelmed with joy and gratitude at his funeral. Another family friend at home, recently came up to me, overwhelmed with joy, grief, and empathy. She said:

"Your father would be so proud. I don't know what to say. To see Seth every break as much as we do.... I saw Jonathan here last week, Nathan the week before, and now you. You are him, you are all his legacy."

It is sometimes hard to imagine that people can miss my father as much as we do. I would like to thank everyone in my life that has helped me through this time. Everyone at home in Colorado, family in Iowa, Ohio, & Michigan, and friends in Michigan.

A great friend told me at his wake. And I will never forget.

"A broken heart stills beats. It may hurt like hell, and it will and I don't know how long it lasts. But I broken heart still beats."

A broken heart still beats.

I can never replace that hole in my heart. It will forever remain unfulfilled.

BUT I have learned that you can build around that hole. And through the help, guidance, empathy, graciousness, and friendship of all the important people in my life I have started to reinforce and rebuild that broken heart.

Please if you have a story about my father let me know. I would die to hear it. 18 years wasn't enough time to get to know him, help me fill in those blanks.

So in closing, I would like everyone to take some time and appreciate something they take for granted everyday. Identify it and embrace that moment. Whether it's the friendly smile of the Postman each day, or the cool breeze in the pollution-less mountains, the ecstasy of youth, or the unconditional love of a parent. Take that time and live in that moment, be that feeling and know that life is fleeting, those moments are too far and in-between. Just wait in 60 seconds MSNBC, CNN, and Fox will be telling you how awful the world is and how we are quickly slipping into cataclysmic demise....in 60 seconds will you be listening to them or will you be living you life?